My Story of Silence on a Friends Abortion

When I was in sixth grade I got my first bible.  I was 11 years old.  

I started to read it every day.  I was raised in a modernist household

with the novus ordo that when to church religiously every Sunday

and to CCD during the week as we attended public schools.

I was liked by every one but at the same time was a loner.  I was a 

bookworm as I am now.  I had a friend though who was older and 

was a bad influence on me.  When my parents were out of town she 

took me to see bad movies.

So, there I was learning about right and wrong.  Reading about

 it in my bible and seeing the evil of bad in movies she exposed 

my innocence to.

One weekend when I was 14, I was with her and over heard her 

tell another friend that she was pregnant. She caught me listening 

and so, told me every thing.  At first I had to keep the pregnancy as

 a secret because it would ruin her future of being in college.

Then later she told me she had decided to have an abortion and

 so I had to keep that secret also.  She never told me when she did it.  

But, I knew it was wrong.  I told her so but she argued how it was 

"better this way" for all involved; especially her parents whom she 

wanted to keep her in high esteem; whom she said would be 

devastated if they knew.

So, there I was in a quandary.  Do I tell her parents and give the 

baby a chance at being saved? Or do I say nothing?  I could see 

that I wouldn't convince her on my own.

I rationalized that it was her sin; her decision.  I wasn't part of it.

But, truly, was this the case?  No, I can't believe it was.

I was graced by God to learn the truth and I was given this 

truth to save the baby. I did nothing.  I did absolutely nothing 

except make excuses.

Perhaps I was afraid of the wrath of my friend or the 

disappointment of her parents.  Perhaps I was just lazy.  Truly

 I don't remember.  All I know is that I made a conscience 

decision to do absolutely nothing.  

Truly, I let the devil deceive me into thinking it wasn't my problem. 

 I was propelled into indecision so chose to do nothing.

I think I was a little confused; but not too much because I knew

 that baby was going to die.  I knew it was wrong.  

I failed to act.  The baby did die.  For the next few years I was

 in coping mode just trying to get through school as I had to go

 to school, be in sports and then work and then babysit and do

 homework.  I had no normal time to myself as I was occupied

 constantly with "work".

By the time I hit college I was a wreck.  I was sick with mono 

and bronchitis, depressed and needed a break.  We lived that

 sort of life in our household because we attended a private

 school and I had to work to pay for tuition since my parents

 couldn't afford all of it. 

I didn't have much time to think about the baby.  But, when

 I left home and was in college that baby was with me every 

where I went. 

It influenced every decision I made.  It made me the person 

I am today.  That baby made me choose God.  It made me

 choose life decisions over and over again.  It made me 

choose a counter-cultural lifestyle and helping the less

 fortunate.  That baby made me choose a life of poverty over 

a career.  That baby made me choose marriage over ever 

having a live in boy friend.  Well, I will not say the baby 

made me choose to have children because I loved children 

and would have chosen to have them whether that baby had 

been in my life or not.

I went on to have five children of my own.

But, there comes a time when we must pay our debts and 

pay for our mistakes and God gave me a good life those 

many years caring for many children, elderly people and 

those with disabilities, topping it off with my own five 

lovely children.

But, a dark cloud was brewing over our household.  Suffering 

came with a split home and for the last five years I 

have had to work on my debt I owed that little baby  

whom I participated in depriving of life 20 years earlier

by an act of indecision where I didn't even try to save his 

or hers life.